With your eyes open, your mouth closed, your ears attentive and your heart reflective - welcome to this woman's world!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

What If?

"Define yourself, for yourself, or you will crushed into other peoples fantasy of you and eaten alive" Audre Lorde

These are the words (roughly) of the poet,lesbian, activist and sister named Audre Lorde. They came into my head when I couldn't define myself because I was afraid of what other people will think of me...after a bit of poetic confession, I realized that it wan't the people's perception of me that scared me the most, it was my own. The poem I wrote from that introspection helped me realize that even if what and who I am was celebrated, if it was encouraged, I would still have a problem with it because my biggest problem is not what you think of me...my biggest problem is what I think of myself. And so I learnt to DEFINE MYSELF, FOR MYSELF OR I WILL BE CRUSHED INTO MY FANTASIES OF WHO I AM AND EATEN ALIVE!

This poem was introspection for me and it is through this poem that I was able to face myself for who I really am...good and bad. I thank God for poetry because since the day I discovered word, I have been discovering myself.

Read: What if
What if loving another woman was celebrated
with songs and dance around rich African flames
where tales of my people are told.

What if following desire
was sang about ‘round traditional fires
with Mothers filled with pride
as Africans rose from boys to men.

Would my beads be crafted in colours that signified the love I live
Would the making of isishweshwe be in beautiful patterns of my kind
the kind that lives to love out loud.

What if streets were named after those that lived their lives to its fullest
What if their names were printed on the finest yatch
And lit up bright as everyone watched

Would I join the Durban Pride March
In celebration of these beautiful people
Would I love outside social parameters and
live defined by obvious diameters

If rain fell as melted gold and praises were sent up to God
With grateful hearts – none of them cold
And open hands for us to hold

Would my walk be carved like Art and
would I live with an open heart
Would I smile at the sound of them calling
As they define me a lesbian-light

If a holiday was declared and
much respect was reclaimed
If men marches were conducted and
tall towers were constructed
To commemorate the Gay-Kingdom-come

Would my confusion and muted confessions
be the lyrics to our African anthem
Would my expressions of love and female affection
be the colours of my African Nation
Or would I still find a brand new reason
to hold myself bound from the greatest love I’ve found

07 June 2005


Blogger Coolbabe said...

Gwabeni, Manzini...I admire you sis, i read most of your posts, and i love you writing style, you make me proud not only for being a South African, but for being a Manzini myself.

coming to the issue at hand, it is so true, as i am my biggest critic, i never really define myself, because i am scare of how I’d disappoint myself in finding out he truth about me. more

10:38 PM  

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